I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
