Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
