OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
