he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
