I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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