He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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