maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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