I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
