OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize