I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
