highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
