I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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