I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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