Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I deserve this hangover.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
