Jerry, you need to find god
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
