i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
