Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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