I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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