??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
