Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
