He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
