Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
