these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
do herpes really smell.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
