i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
