He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
