it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
