Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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