I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
