New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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