You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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