Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
