Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
