did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
