Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
