Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
