I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
