apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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