Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
