Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
