There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
