it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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