dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
