i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
