guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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