How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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