I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
