meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
