She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
