i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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