We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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